How to Process Emotions

Many of the people I meet in my practice want to stop being affected negatively by past events or experiences. But what does this really take? One answer, is the processing of emotions that are attached to the memories. So I thought I would take a brief look here at what ‘processing’ really looks like.

There are many forms of psychotherapy out there. In my Gold Coast psychology practice, I adopt an individually tailored approach that adopts aspects from several of the alphabet soup collection of evidence-based therapies. You may have heard of some of them; Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Motivational Interviewing (MI) and Eye Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing (EMDR). The reason I mention these is that regardless of what therapeutic modality we adopt to build new skills, the underlying ‘processing of emotions’ remains a necessary component of our healing and runs as an undercurrent throughout your psychology sessions.

This is what emotional processing looks like in step by step form. You don’t need a therapist to do this, though a helpful and non-judgmental person may help you along the way for reflection and encouragement.

1)      Notice: Pay attention to your emotional state when either recalling a past memory or in-the-moment when your emotions are triggered. Take a deep breath. Feel. Don’t think. Feel. Notice what is happening. Bring your attention to your present experience as much as you can.

2)      Name it/ them: State what you feel. “I am sad” “I feel angry”. If you can’t pinpoint a word, try an emotion wheel like this one (I’ve left it big so you can print it out for the fridge if you like).

3)      Feel it: Stay with the feeling, even if it is hard. Notice what it feels like in your body. Stick with it through your discomfort. These are only feelings.  

4)      Relax into it: Take a few deep breaths. Notice if the feeling changes or shifts. DON’T JUDGE YOUR EXPERIENCE. Notice how your mind may try to take you out of it.

That’s it… Processing your emotions is one of the simplest yet most challenging things we face psychologically as overthinking human beings. Research indicates that the more skilled you are at doing this though, the less intra-personal (within yourself) and interpersonal (with others) conflicts you will face.

Keeping a journal can help to take this experience further or help you to deeper understand yourself. It can also help you see patterns in your thinking-feeling relationship and what triggers pop up frequently in your life.

Moving your body can be a really helpful way to process some of the physiological energy that emotions create. Dancing, yoga, running etc. Express the emotional state you are feeling. There are healthy ways to express all of the human emotions that don’t involve harming yourself or anyone else in any way.

Take care everyone and be kind to yourself. If you want some practice processing emotions, drop in to our Burleigh Heads psychology clinic or email me directly for more information.  

Note: If you’re reading this and are experiencing suicidal thoughts and have not practiced something like this before, I urge you not to, and instead call Lifeline (131114) or the Acute Care Team (1300 MH CALL) if you do not feel safe.

Likewise, if this practice becomes too overwhelming, I encourage you to enlist the help of a mental health professional for support. Don’t judge yourself. It’s just a practice like any new skill.

Another Reason Why Not to Use Your Phone in the Toilet

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Admittedly, there are a hundred million germy reasons why we shouldn't be using something in a toilet that is designed to go near our face. Despite this though, various surveys report that up to 75% of people admit to regularly replying to text, checking social media or even using their phone to talk to people whilst on the toilet! Now, I don’t fall into this statistic and am pretty shocked by this figure so I thought I would add just one more reason not to for those who do. That is; your brain.

We live in a world which is constantly on the go. I watched a TED talk recently by Manoush Zomorodi, a tech podcaster and boredom specialist (what a title), who reports that people in today's society succumb to their bored urges very quickly indeed. According to Zomorodi, people check their emails on average 74 times a day and switch tasks on their devices 566 times a day (from a conversation with Professor Gloria Mark). Often just because they are bored. Now, I don’t know what population make up this statistic but I think that it is likely further enabled by the socially acceptable electronic device within reach to us almost all of our waking days. Our phones are so much more than just a phone and offer so many forms of boredom-quashing entertainment. Our brain is adapting to this and goes along feeding a never-ending evolutionary-driven thirst for stimulation. But at what cost? Zomorodi goes on to say that when we look at brains in times of boredom, they are not doing nothing. Quite the opposite. Our brains are busy consolidating memories, developing creative ideas and solving problems through the formation of new neural connections. Similar processes occur during sleep hence it's necessity in mental wellbeing. Having downtime (being bored) actually maximises our creativity, productiveness and cognitive potentials.

Zomorodi’s talk made me think. How can we create more downtime from our devices? Are there any alone times in your lives where you allow yourself to just be bored? For many, boredom is emotionally uncomfortable so they keep a tight and busy schedule so as to avoid it. Loneliness, anxiety or unresolved grief quite often emerge in times of boredom. In my personal case, I reflected on my alone time. I have two young girls so don't get much of this I'll admit when I'm not writing or have tasks I've set myself to complete. But i don’t feel uncomfortable with boredom per se. At first I started to think outside of the work environment but even when I'm running I am listening to Spotify. I considered re-taking up swimming recently and as I did, began Googling waterproof MP3 players to avoid the tedium of the black line I remember too well… and this was about the time I thought of the humble toilet.

I began reflecting on Yuval Noah Harari's writing and the many tales from history of revolutionaries of humanity and knowledge who had realised their greatest ideas whilst sitting on the pot. The toilet has been a place of quiet solace, barren of interpersonal contact for the majority of human civilisation... Until now apparently for an astonishingly large percentage of people.

Readers, I encourage you to cherish your time of boredom whilst sitting on the toilet. A space where you may routinely forget any expectations society has of you, or perhaps you may ponder these. Regardless of where your mind goes, let it go there. Seize this time of boredom instead of your phone. If not for e Coli, then for your brains.