If you live with depression, you may be familiar with a particular kind of inner dialogue. It’s often harsh, absolute, and full of sweeping conclusions:
“I’ve ruined everything.”
“If I can’t get it perfect, why bother?”
“Everyone else is doing better than me.”
“Nothing ever changes.”
This kind of thinking is known as all-or-nothing thinking (or black-and-white thinking), and it’s one of the most common thinking traps that shows up in depression. It makes life feel more overwhelming, more hopeless, and far more difficult than it needs to be. But the good news? This is something therapy can really help with.
What Is All-or-Nothing Thinking?
All-or-nothing thinking is when our minds split things into extremes. You’re either a success or a failure. Things are either good or bad. You’re either coping or you’re falling apart. But life doesn’t really work like that. Most of our experiences, relationships, and decisions live in the grey zone — full of nuance, variation, and change.
When we’re stuck in all-or-nothing thinking, we miss out on this middle ground. And that middle ground is often where healing, hope, and progress quietly reside.
Why Does It Matter?
Black-and-white thinking can be exhausting. It ramps up self-criticism, damages relationships, and keeps us stuck in cycles of avoidance or perfectionism. For people experiencing depression, it can feed the sense of failure, guilt, or hopelessness that often accompanies low mood.
“If I didn’t exercise every day this week, I’m lazy.”
“If I made a mistake, I’m useless.”
“If I feel sad, I must be broken.”
These kinds of thoughts might feel true in the moment, but therapy can help you gently challenge and soften them — without pretending everything is “fine” when it isn’t.
How Therapy Helps
As a psychologist, one of the most rewarding parts of my job is helping clients build awareness of these thinking patterns and begin to loosen their grip. You don’t have to ‘think positive’ or force yourself to ignore your pain. Instead, therapy offers a practical, compassionate space to notice your inner dialogue and begin to work with it.
Here’s how therapy can help reduce all-or-nothing thinking:
1. Developing Awareness
You’ll learn to identify when black-and-white thinking shows up — often it’s so automatic we don’t realise it’s happening. Therapy gives you tools to slow down and recognise these thoughts when they arise.
2. Reframing Your Thoughts
Together, we explore more balanced, realistic alternatives. For example, changing “I failed at that project, I’m hopeless” to “That didn’t go as planned, but I did my best and I learned something.” This isn’t about sugar-coating — it’s about finding what’s true and useful.
3. Learning Self-Compassion
One of the most powerful antidotes to all-or-nothing thinking is self-kindness. Therapy helps you treat yourself with the same understanding you might extend to a friend.
4. Building Flexibility
Cognitive flexibility is the ability to shift perspective and adapt. It’s a skill we can grow over time — and it can make a massive difference to our mood, relationships, and motivation.
5. Making Room for Progress, Not Perfection
Recovery from depression doesn’t require perfection. Therapy supports you to notice and celebrate small wins, acknowledge effort, and build momentum — even when it’s slow going.
A Gentle Reminder for Anyone Struggling
You don’t need to be falling apart to seek help. Many of my clients are high-functioning, busy adults who just feel stuck, exhausted, or like something’s not quite right. Depression doesn’t always look like tears and low energy — sometimes it looks like irritability, burnout, people-pleasing, or never feeling “good enough.”
And if you're in Perth and looking for a psychologist who offers practical, evidence-based support (without toxic positivity or judgement), I’d be honoured to help.
Looking for a psychologist in Perth who gets it?
If you’re seeking therapy for depression or struggling with negative thought patterns, reach out. Let’s talk about what’s going on — and work toward something gentler, together.
