Okay, the truth is that there are so many specific thoughts that could be potential culprits here but I wanted a catchy headline so apologies for misleading you. But… What if i could give you a list of the most common general thoughts that trip up everyone at some time or another and leave us feeling angry, shameful, stressed or depressed? Then if you can recognise that you are thinking (or are about to think) one of these, you are empowered to stop this thought ruining your day by coming up with a more reasonable, kind, or self-empowering thought. Wouldn’t that be great!?

The thoughts I’m talking about here psychologists refer to as Cognitive Distortions (Cognitive=thought, Distortion=misleading). Now I must admit, when I was learning this stuff back in second year Cognitive Psychology, I never liked the term Cognitive Distortion much so let’s just call them Brain Farts. It’s kind of apt, it’s less technical, and, well, it sounds funnier…

Believe it or not, brain farts are there to protect you. They provide an immediate go-to thought in new, challenging or stressful situations when your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain best adept at complex thought processing) isn’t engaged. Doesn’t make sense? You’re thinking, ‘in challenging situations, my prefrontal lobes are totally active and that’s how I solve the problem’. And yes, you’re correct. At the end of your challenging situation this is often the case but at the acute, beginning point of challenge or stress, your brain is in survival mode where you need to react to survive. Thinking and considering various options doesn’t help when you are faced with an angry moose (moose are really angry creatures I learnt recently). When faced with an angry moose, you need to react in order to survive and your brain knows this, so it generally shuts out your complex / creative thinking prefrontal cortex and instead relies on tried and tested automatic algorithms of thought that were designed many evolutionary years ago to get you out of danger. Unfortunately, it is these same algorithms that can sometimes seep into your consciousness at times when you don’t need them (i.e., non-moose situations). And this is how the evolution of brain farts (cognitive distortions) has transpired.

From here on, I’m going to use one, single common situation here that could very well occur in your day to help you to see how each of these brain farts (BF) can accidentally emerge (pardon the pun). The hypothetical scenario we’re going to imagine is when another driver pulls in front of us quickly but we didn’t see them because we were texting or checking our phone. With this, we will explore the various ways we might cognitively react to this experience.

Brain Fart #1: ‘all drivers are such idiots’ ‘everyone in this city drives like shit’ OR, ‘it’s not safe to drive on the roads ever anymore’ ‘I’m always nearly having crashes’

In these examples, we are Overgeneralising by using one (or a few) experiences to generalise extensively. Look for the words always or never in your thoughts. Overgeneralising often leaves us feeling negative towards others or if it involves self-blame, negative towards ourselves.

Brain Fart #2: ‘It must have been an Asian/ white / male/ female/ young/ old / sportscar/ truck drivers’ (you choose the stereotype you most often fall back on).

Here we are Jumping to Conclusions. We didn’t see the other driver. Sure it explains the event and displaces blame from ourselves but it can also create misplaced anger and ongoing unnecessary resentment to certain people (or types of people) in this case. Not a happy way to start your day.

Brain Fart #3: ‘OMFG, i nearly crashed and if i did i would have to call mum and OMG I wouldn’t have a car and how will i get to work and i’ll lose my job but i don’t have the money to fix the car and i’ll have to borrow money from somewhere or i’ll lose my job and then i’ll become destitute and then i’ll won’t be able to pay my rent and i’ll have to … etc etc’ OR ‘i’m never going to drive again because it’s just too risky’

Okay, you get where I’m going with this. This is called Catastrophising and it is the hallmark of anxious thinking destined to increase your stress levels and ruin your day. As soon as you start thinking ‘what if…’, pull yourself up

Brain Fart #4 & #5: ‘I’m such an idiot, I shouldn’t have been texting’ OR ‘what an idiot, he should have been watching where he was going, what is he, blind?!’

These are both examples of two common TFs; Labelling and Should Statements. Labelling is really useful for fight/ flight situations when we need a quick solution. With time, a reasoned approach to this scenario might be that both drivers were in some ways at fault but in an emotion-fuelled moment, the brain will often resort to ‘us vs them’ logic and attribute blame wherever it is most in a habit of doing, leaving us occasionally feeling better in the case of self-righteous indignation but often worse in the longer term.

Shoulds, oughts, musts, are all telltale words to look out for in your thoughts. They’re absolute rules there for our brain to provide quick solutions but often leave us feeling negative, rigid, or shameful.

Brain Fart #6: ‘They cut me of because they didn’t like me’ ‘That truck driver must have cut me off because I have such a lame looking car’ ‘people have no respect for older drivers’

Here is an example of personalisation or taking responsibility for things that are not (solely in this case) our fault. In the scenario described, there are many possible reasons why the other driver cut you off. Personalisation of the event is possible though often improbable where a more simple explanations is more likely. The other driver didn’t see you, or simply misjudged their lane change perhaps?... Maybe they’re just having a bad day, maybe they’re trying to get their wife in labour to emergency? Who knows but more often than not, it has nothing specifically to do with you. Personalisation emerges frequently in people with more fragile sense of selves or lower self esteem. Be mindful of thoughts that involve self-blame and take a moment to analyse these.

Brain Fart #7: ‘All male/ female/ young/ old/ Asian/ white/ truck/ sportscar/ Holden/ Ford drivers are bad drivers’

This is called ‘All or Nothing’ or Dichotomous Thinking. It’s fraught with danger because there are no absolutes in this amazing world we live in. We all make mistakes and there are plenty of white/ asian/ male/ female/ young/ old/ truck/ sportscar/ Holden/ Ford drivers out there with all sorts of grey degrees of driving skills, right? Worse yet, if you are applying dichotomous thinking to yourself such as in ‘if i’m not perfect i’m a failure’, it is toxic! Allowing more shades of grey into your mind will enable you more cognitive peace.

TF #9: ‘I’m so angry now because of that driver!’

Final Brain Fart for this scenario is probably the most common because it is so easy for us to fall into the trap of. In this example, we are straight-out Blaming someone else for the way that we feel. ‘BUT IT’S THEIR FAULT!’, I hear you yell. Well, even if it was wholly their fault and you weren’t texting and even if they cut you off on purpose and even if they flicked you the bird as they did it and they yelled out “lame car” to you, here’s the clicker, and I say this to almost every one of my clients;

You, and only you, are responsible solely for the way that you feel.

So own this responsibility. Change your thoughts and your feelings can follow or accept your feelings and watch them pass. Either way, don’t blame them on someone else. This will only leave you feeling disempowered and definitely ruin your day.

If you want more information about brain farts or more diverse scenarios where they might be applying to your life, search Cognitive Distortions (brain farts might not come up with what you’re looking for). I covered some common ones here but there are many others including Magnification, Minimisation, & Emotional Reasoning. The point of knowing this information is bringing aware to your own cognitive tendencies and over time practicing new and more helpful self-talk to replace them.

Take care people and be kind to yourself, always.

Oh, and don’t text and drive…