The practice of gratitude is just that, a practice. It’s an simple psychological resilience skill to pick up and with a bit of repetitive intentional work, a simple one to fall back on in times of distress. Quite simply, practicing gratitude is the process of being grateful or thankful for something. For some this may come naturally. For others, or at more challenging times, some intentional work may be required.
I don’t share too much about my life in the therapy room generally so for a change, I thought I’d like to tell you a bit about a morning I had recently… On this particular morning, my body was so sore, seemingly everywhere, having returned to the gym for the first time since new year rolled round. My wife was away overseas so was single parenting my two young girls making my life just that little more challenging (read: massively more challenging) that week. So, then it was 35 degrees and the car aircon wasn’t functioning and then, oh yeah, the car broke down on the Gold Coast Highway. So… with a 3 and 5 year old in the back; hungry, tired having been out all morning at the gym and kids play centre, and probably needing to go to the toilet, I called the RACQ to come and rescue us… For the following hour and a half I did my best to entertain 2 beautiful (though typically high attentional-requirement) girls in uncomfortable conditions. I’d love to say that I wasn’t frustrated and annoyed by the situation I was in, but to deny this emotion would be a lie and as peaceful as I aspire to be, I’m far from a monk…
Okay, I acknowledge that so many worse things could have happened that day but this was a somewhat challenging situation anyhow. Here’s how I managed it…
When I noticed my frustration rise, I went back to the basics. I reminded myself intentionally and purposefully of a few things that I was grateful for today. I was thankful that my girls were (amazingly) being so calm about the whole process - they’re already under stress that week with their mum away and I knew they could have been so much more intense to manage than they were. Then there were other things. I was thankful that we were on the west side of the highway as the sun had past the buildings above us providing at least a little shade. I was grateful that I had bothered to eat well this morning as if I didn’t it would have been much more challenging to manage my thoughts and emotions in these circumstances. I was grateful that, despite the cost involved, the breakdown service only took an hour to get there (this was a tough one to be grateful for). Just a brief reflection on these things however, helped me to keep my mood in check and improve my perception of our predicament as I sat playing the 40th game of I-spy with two girls who like to change the thing they’re spying during their turn (insert facepalm emoji).
Research demonstrates that the practice of gratitude has both a subjective positive effect on reported mood and an observable effect in the brain scans of those who practice it regularly. Further to this, simple gratitude exercises such as journaling have been associated with better self esteem, diminished anger and stress through emotional resilience, improved experience of physical pains and sleep and, perhaps not surprisingly, improved sensitivity and empathy towards others. Getting in the practice of noticing what you can be thankful for may not be the panacea to psychological disorders nor a singular treatment modality to improve your mood or reduce your stress though it is without doubt a useful skill worth grappling onto your self-care toolbelt.
Take care people and as always, be kind to yourself.